The story that sea salt. It’s a story the geology, endurance, and erosion. Unfortunately, this story seems to be unknown to several persons that dubious copious fame. And they’ve taken the upon themselves to create a menagerie the strange, kickass and also even gross theories on ocean salinity. Join me now on a strange and also wondrous pilgrimage to debunk some bad celebrity science.

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The lining Norris Hypothesis

The world’s oceans were created from the tears of lining Norris’ enemies.

A normal human sheds around 100 liters that tears in your lifetime. The volume the the s is 1,335,000,000 km3. To to fill the ocean Chuck Norris would certainly need about 13 quintillian enemies. However, there room only about 7.5 billion civilization on earth. Either 99.99999995% of chuck Norris’ enemies are aliens, or chuck Norris has extracted sufficient tears to fill 5000 olympic swimming pools from each and every human being that has ever lived. One of two people way, don’t f**k with Chuck.

The David Avocado Wolfe Hypothesis

The reason why the seas are salty is that’s what’s essential to hold the water onto the Earth. If that didn’t take place the water would levitate ideal off the Earth, that’d it is in the finish of it. The salt holds that on, in the same method it holds it into our body.

DO I have to BATHE IN rare HIMALAYAN icelandic SALT SO ns DON’T rise AWAY? tell ME AVOCADO MANBUN MAN!!! It appears Avocado Manbun man plainly denies the presence of freshwater lakes, which due to their absence of salt, have to be floating far at this really instant.

It’s gravity Manbun Avocado. Gravity is the attraction between different masses and keeps salt water, freshwater and also everything else on this planet on the ground. Salt simply makes water denser 보다 freshwater. Things that room denser sink, while points that room less dense (or buoyant) float. If you really gently pour saltwater right into freshwater*, it will certainly sink. Although if you lived on human being with an setting of molten command (which is 10X denser 보다 water), salt water would be buoyant and float away right into the sky. It would also be 621F and the water would turn right into gas and you would be a liquid, yet that’s just a young technicality.

The Snooki Hypothesis

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…the water’s all whale sperm. That’s why the ocean’s salty.

First thing: EEEEEWWW. 2nd thing: GOOGLED IT. This is likewise the suggest where ns learned a lot about whale ejaculate. THERE space THINGS ns CAN’T UNSEE. So how much whale sperm do you should make the ocean salty?

Unsurprisingly, you can’t google the salinity the whale sperm. However you have the right to google the salinity of human sperm. Because we space all mammals here, I’ll just use person sperm together proxy sperm. Ejaculate is three times as salty together seawater (although it made up of a somewhat various collection the ions). Therefore according come Snooki, one 3rd of the ocean volume is whale sperm. Sperm is additionally less thick than seawater (due come the lipid content). As such according to Bunman Avocado, it would certainly float away into the sky. But i digress.

Popular net lore claims that a blue whale produces over 400 gallons of liquid each time that ejaculates, around enough to fill a warm tub. This is a value that has actually been debunked, however no one has actually measure up blue whale ejaculate volume. So we shall estimate it! Ejaculate volume for assorted whale varieties ranges indigenous 2-24 ml (2-16 bar shots). Testes dimension from 0.1-3.6 kg**. Testes dimension to ejaculate volume arrays from 0.01-0.6. In ~ most, a blue whale with 45-70 kg testes would just make 27-42 ml of ejaculate (although i agree this sounds yes, really small). That would be a very sorry warm tub…or would it?

Blue whale you have failed us. Ns summon you Right Whale!! With 1 ton testes it produces gallons that sperm every time that mates. David Attenborough doesn’t lie people. Ideal whales have actually been well-known to live as much as 70 years. Assuming best whales try to friend 20 times per year, through 2 gallons per encounter…that’s 2800 gallons a year of ejaculate! Therefore, it would take 1.25 x 1017  hot and bothered whales living 70 years each to do the s salty. If the were true, there would be much more whales than mosquitos and also it would be time to invest in some kind of whale swatter technology. I’m calling your bluff Snooki.

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THE SCIENCE reality CHECK

Salt in the ocean originates from rocks ~ above land.

Yes, it’s true. No from vanquished foes, not from amorous cetaceans and certainly no to avoid spontaneous levitation. ROCKS. Over many, plenty of eons, rain pitter-pattered top top rocks, weathering them, dissolving salts and also minerals. This ever-so-slightly water eventually flowed into the ocean. Some ion were consumed by sea beasties. Other ions ongoing to rise in concentration. It to be this slow accumulation of ions, in certain sodium and also chloride, that eventually became the salty sea water we currently of today. It truly is a beautiful geology saga that is far better than any story a celebrity can or has ever before made up.

A shoutout come Madeline Merck, the owner the the chuck Norris calendar that influenced this post!

*This assumes the the denser water does not mix v the surrounding water, aka you pour in dense red water into clear fresh water and also the two waters merge to form pink water.

**One Orca testicle weighs about the exact same as a child baby.

References

Kelley, T. C., Stewart, R. E., Yurkowski, D. J., Ryan, A., & Ferguson, S. H. (2015). Adjustment ecology that beluga (Delphinapterus leucas) and also narwhal (Monodon monoceros) as estimated by reproductive street metrics. Maritime Mammal Science, 31(2), 479-500.

Neuenhagen, C., Hartmann, M. G., & Greven, H. (2007). Histology and also morphometrics of testes of the white-sided dolphin (Lagenorhynchus acutus) in bycatch samples indigenous the northeastern Atlantic. Mammalian Biology-Zeitschrift für Säugetierkunde, 72(5), 283-298.

Robeck, T. R., K. J. Steinman, M. Greenwell, K. Ramirez, W. Van Bonn, M. Yoshioka, and J. K. O’Brien. Seasonality, estrous bike characterization, estrus synchronization, semen cryopreservation, and also artificial insemination in the Pacific white-sided dolphin (Lagenorhynchus obliquidens). Reprod., 138: 391–405. Doi: 10.1530. REP-08-0528, 2009.

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Robeck, T. R., Steinman, K. J., Gearhart, S., Reidarson, T. R., McBain, J. F., & Monfort, S. L. (2004). Reproductive physiology and breakthrough of artificial insemination technology in killer whales (Orcinus orca). Biology of Reproduction, 71(2), 650-660.